Lately, I have been a little hard on myself. I’ve been bouncing between career choices and I have decided to go back to nursing school. I started nursing school in 2016 and finished my prerequisites but, then switched to an online psychology degree when my husband joined the military because I knew we would be moving around a lot. I’ve prayed and prayed about it and finally came to the conclusion that God is calling me to nursing. That’s just where my passion and heart is. Now it’s time to apply and transfer to a new college AGAIN. I do not know why but, this has been so intimating to me. I feel like I am standing at the bottom of a mountain and looking up at all the things I need to do to get to the top. Like, I am not a bad student (3.9 GPA, yes, I am tooting my own horn because I am darn proud of that) and yet, I still feel so discouraged. Being a nurse is my dream job and I am so afraid I won’t be able to obtain it.
Ever since I was a kid, I held myself to high expectations. Anything I did, I gave it my all. And when I just wasn’t skilled in an certain area (sports specifically), I would beat myself up relentlessly. I am still that way. I put a lot of pressure on myself which, leads to me being overwhelmed and stressed. I am so afraid to let anyone down… yet, no one has ever pressured me as much as I pressure myself. So, I guess I am afraid to let myself down. I have been my own worst enemy. I tend to forget how much I have accomplished. In high school I was on the principal’s list all 4 years, I graduated with an advanced regents diploma and 28 college credits, I lived on my own at 18 years old, I got married at 20 years old, and I have moved 4 times in the past year and a half while remaining in school and maintaining a 3.9-4.0 GPA.
School is hard, a lot of people underestimate it. It completely takes over your life. If you’re not in class, you’re studying and if you’re not studying, you’re in class. There is no such thing as a social life except for maybe one day a week. It’s even harder when you are taking classes online because you don’t get to interact with your classmates. Making friends has been so hard for me and I have slowly become a homebody. And the hardest part is knowing what you want to do. I’ve changed my major 3 times (sigh). It’s so important to find your passion because you don’t want to just go through the motions of school and work but, at 17 or 18 years old it’s so hard to know exactly what you want to do for the next 40-50 years. I’ve always been told “If you love what you do, you never work a day in your life.”
With that being said… it’s okay to change your mind… it’s okay to try out a bunch of gen-ed classes to find out where your interests are… it’s okay to start at a 2 year school… it’s okay to go against the grain… it’s okay to take a year off to find yourself first (i really wish I had done this- I probably would’t have changed my mind 3 times)… it’s okay to ask for help.. and it’s okay to not go to college if you can build a career without it. Do not let anyone pressure you about YOUR future and education. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Don’t fill your plate up too much. Take care of yourself- self love is so important during high stress times. These will be some of the best and hardest years of your life; make friends, enjoy yourself, make smart choices, get to know your professors, and study hard.